My *Ceilings*

My best friend (Sarah Pruitt) used to write unique little questions (little questions, but deep ones) on her ceiling because her bed was like a foot from it. She told me I need a ceiling to write my musings and questions on… THIS is my ceiling… or at least one of the many…

I’ll update it from time to time with new thoughts and ponderings… so check back now and then to get a glimpse inside my mind…

oooOOoOooooOooo… scary.

😉

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How God Must Laugh At My *Ceiling*
(15-Jul-09)

Sometimes there is a loss for words… or at least, I am at a loss for the “right” words. I have something to say, but I don’t know how to say it. Or perhaps, I DO know how to say it, but I’m afraid of hurting someone. Silence and I have never been real good friends, but lately I have become better acquainted with it – and, most likely, it’s for the better.

So often I get worried that my plans won’t be fulfilled. Sometimes I question if God really knows what He’s doing… but then I remember that the clay has no right to accuse the Potter of being unfaithful to His work.

Sometimes I let myself get sick because what I WANT is not what HE WANTS, and it causes unrest in my heart. Seriously? What am I thinking? What’s meant to be will always find it’s way. God doesn’t need my help. After all, He is God, you know…? It seems silly that I’m willing to trust Him with my eternal security, but not with my temporary, “like-a-vapor” life here on earth. *pfft*

And then there’s that aspect of loneliness. Constantly surrounded by people, but having the feeling of being alone… which is completely ridiculous because I have a Comforter who never leaves me and will not forsake me.

Tell me… what is God’s will? How do I know when I’ve found His purpose for my life? I don’t expect a great thundering noise, lightning flashing, and a giant hand writing on the wall – but a still, small voice would be nice. Or even a “sign” from Him. Perhaps His will is found only by taking it one day at a time, and trusting that the One Who holds the future of the world also carries me in the palm of His hand – and He never sleeps.

Since when does my opinion matter? Since when do people care what I have to say? Since when does God care what I think? Correct: It doesn’t matter. Many say “God said it. I believe it. And that settles it for me.” However, I believe the better way to say it is: “God said it. And that settles it for me.” It matters not if I believe it or not… what God said, goes. End of discussion. Period.

I have limits. I don’t like being pushed around, getting my toes stepped on, or being asked to do virtually “the impossible”. But sometimes it’s asked of me… or IS it? Maybe what I think is completely impossible for me to do really isn’t – but when looking at it from where I’m standing it looks like Mt. Everest is in front of me, and I must climb it… in one hour… barefoot. See… impossible. But from where God is sitting, everything’s all down-hill from there… literally. Oh, the irony… how He must laugh!

I have much to learn… and I take it as it comes. Ready and willing.

 

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Perhaps He’s *Whispering* To The Angels ♥
(17-Jul-09)

I felt it was time to make another visit to my *ceiling*. I need to lift some things off my chest (if you will). Prayer requests and praises. Fears and worries. Cares and anxieties. Wants and needs. THIS is my *ceiling* for today…

Sooo… I’m back to square one. Worry. Worry. Worry. Worry more. Worry. *blah* Though my job is secure, my particular position is not. *long story* So I wait… and guess what…? Yep, I worry. *stupid* I know better. I have Someone watching all this unfold, and He’s smiling. Why? Because it’s HIS plan. And He gets excited… Knowing His children don’t always understand what’s happening – but that’s the exciting part. It’s like someone who’s written a book that’s now being filmed – the author knows how the end of the story will turn out – but the viewers sit on the edge of their seats… waiting. God is my author… I’m just along for the show.

Discouragement is something that I don’t battle with often… but when I do, it’s pretty bad. The worst one was a 7-month time period, *which-h-h… we shall refrain from speaking of*. 🙂 When the University told me it would be at least 2 more years worth of classes (ABOVE AND BEYOND my Associate’s Degree) before I would even be eligible to be admissible to their college heavy discouragement set in. I have seriously never felt so much like I have been wasting my time than I did at that moment. I called Mom to let her know what I had found out, and then I said: “Mom… I’m just so upset right now. I’m really discouraged…” Her answer: “Don’t be discouraged, Heather… because God’s got a plan in all this. Don’t forget that.” *about 20 seconds of silence for me to choke back the grateful tears* “Yeah… I guess you’re right. He’s got to have a plan… He always does.”
ANDDD… that plan set in less than 24 hours later… which I will share with you at another time.

Stress and anxiety have become pretty good friends of mine. Not by MY choice – but there they are. School – when coupled with a 40+ hour job, teaching private piano lessons, and church ministries – stresses me out. I’m anal when it comes to my grades. In my opinion, anything below an “A” is unacceptable. I really beat myself up over it. Last semester I was so stressed I had a constant twitch in my left eye half-way through the semester – the twitch didn’t stop until about 2 days after my last final. And I LET myself stress out. Wait… what’s that verse…? Oh yeah… “Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you” (I Peter 5:7). Calming. Soothing. Reassuring. Encouraging. Stress-relief. *sighh-h-h-h*

While soaking in a bubble bath the other night, I began deeply thinking (as I often do). What’s the difference between “happiness” and “joy”? HAPPINESS is something that is based on circumstances. When things are good, I’m happy. When things aren’t good, I’m not happy. JOY is something that can never be taking away from me (“…your joy no man taketh from you” (John 16:22b). Sure, I can choose to “lose my joy” – but others can’t take it from me. I like to think of it this way: Happiness is earthly; joy is heavenly. Joy comes from the Lord (Galatians 5:22). I can still have a smile on my face – even if the economy stinks; even if I don’t agree with the political leaders; even if I lose my job; even if I fail my classes; even if everyone in this world forsakes me. I may not be “happy”… 🙂 but I can still have my joy.

I don’t think God is laughing at this particular *ceiling* of mine… but instead, perhaps He’s whispering to the angels: “Finally… she’s starting to get it…!” 🙂

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